Paul turned from how not to walk to the positive responsibility Christians have to live in holiness.
4:20 In contrast to unsaved Gentiles, Christians' minds are no longer dark, they are no longer aliens from God, and their hearts are no longer hard and impure. They did not learn to follow Christ by the natural mental processes that customarily lead to the degradation of unsaved Gentiles. They learned to follow Him as His disciples from the gospel.
"Usually we learn subjects, not persons; but the Christian's choicest lesson-book is his loveworthy Lord."116
4:21 "If indeed"(NASB) means "surely"(NIV, cf. 3:2). The Ephesian believers had received teaching about Christ and had learned to live in the sphere of His will. This is the truth in Jesus that is in view. Whenever Paul used the name of Jesus in Ephesians, as here, he drew attention to the death and resurrection of the Savior. He did so here to remind his readers of the essence of the gospel message as an incentive to live for Christ.
4:22 Here is what the Ephesian Christians had heard. Christians should put their former unsaved manner of life aside. The old self (or man) is the person the Christian was before his or her regeneration. That person was experiencing progressive corruption because of desires that appeal to the physical senses. Lusts are deceitful because they promise real joy but fail to deliver it.
4:23 This verse is not primarily a command. The verb is not an imperative but an infinitive in the Greek text. The verse is a description of what has already happened in the life of every believer (cf. Col. 3:9-10). However the verse does make an appeal to the reader even though its main point is revelation.117
Rather than being futile, darkened, and ignorant (vv. 18-19) the Christian has taken on a new attitude (cf. Rom. 6:2-10; 2 Cor. 5:17). This renewing is an ongoing process in the life of the Christian (i.e., progressive sanctification). The verb is passive, which emphasizes that it is God at work in us (cf. Rom. 12:2).
4:24 Paul identified our responsibility in this verse. We are to put on the new self as a garment. The new self (or man) is the person the Christian is after he or she experiences regeneration. We put on the new man as we pursue the things of Christ rather than the desires of the flesh. God has created the new self (the Christian) in regeneration after the image of our spiritual parent, God Himself. Righteousness and holiness mark our new life rather than sensuality, impurity, and greed (vv. 18-19). Moreover it is a life based on the truth rather than on ignorance (v. 18).118
4:25 As the practice of the old man follows his condition (vv. 17-19), so the practice of the new man (vv. 25-32) should follow his condition (vv. 20-24). In verses 25-32 we find five exhortations to Christians regarding our conduct. Each one has three parts: a negative command, a positive command, and the reason for the positive command.
The first exhortation is to stop deceiving. Deception is a mask that false teachers (v. 14) and the old man (v. 22) wear. Instead the Christian should speak truth, namely what is in harmony with reality (cf. Col. 3:8-9; Zech. 8:16). The reason is the Christian belongs to and must function honestly in a group, the church. Truthful speech is essential to unity in the body. Obviously it is important for other reasons also.
"Lying may be an accepted weapon in the warfare waged by the worldly, but it has no place in the life of the Christian."119
4:26 The second exhortation is to avoid sinning when angry and to deal with sin quickly if it does accompany anger. Anger is not sinful in itself (cf. John 2:13-16). There is such a thing as righteous indignation. Still it is easy to lose control of our anger, to let it control us instead of controlling it. Anger becomes sinful when it is inappropriate. The way to deal with sinful anger is to confess it as sin (1 John 1:9). If apologies to other people are necessary, we should offer them quickly as well. Letting the sun go down on one's wrath is a figure of speech that emphasizes the need to deal with sin soon. That we need not take it literally should be clear since the sun does not literally set on one's anger since anger is not a physical object.
4:27 It is important to deal with anger appropriately because if we do not do so Satan will have an opportunity to lead us into further sin.
"Horace was right when he said, Anger is momentary insanity.' . . .
"Anyone can become angry,' wrote Aristotle. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way--this is not easy.'"120
4:28 The third exhortation is to refrain from stealing but to work so we will have something to share with the needy. Paul did not mention other benefits of work here such as providing for one's own needs and doing something useful. He emphasized the most noble of motives here. Stealing (Gr. klepton) covers all forms of misappropriation. This verse is a reaffirmation of the teaching of the seventh commandment (Exod. 20:15; Deut. 5:19).
4:29 The fourth exhortation is to speak good things as well as to do good things (v. 28). Anything that injures others or causes dissension in the body is unwholesome (Gr. sapros, rotten, defiling). Christians should use words to build up people rather than to tear them down. Words can give grace (help) in the sense that they communicate encouragement and direction and thus help the hearer to do right.
"It is said that a man once came to Mohammed and asked how he could make amends for falsely accusing a friend. Mohammed told him to put a feather on every doorstep in the village. Next day he told the man to collect them. But that is impossible,' said the man, the wind has scattered them beyond recall!' The prophet replied, So is it with your reckless words.'"121
4:30 "And"connects this verse with the former one. We can grieve (bring sorrow or pain to) the Holy Spirit by our speech. It is inappropriate for us to do so because it is He who is our seal (1:13-14; cf. 2 Cor. 1:21-22; 5:5). He is the pledge of God's final redemption of us that will happen at our resurrection (Phil. 3:20-21). Grieving the Holy Spirit amounts to rejecting a priceless gift from God.122
4:31 The fifth exhortation is to get rid of five vices and to adopt three virtues. Bitterness is the opposite of sweetness and kindness (cf. Col. 3:19). It harbors resentment and keeps score of wrongs (1 Cor. 13:5). Wrath or rage flows from bitterness and refers to outbursts of uncontrolled passionate frustration. Anger is inappropriate noisy assertiveness and abuse. Clamor or brawling describes shouting. Slander refers to words that hurt another person. Malice is bad feelings and is the source of the other four vices.
This verse may seem to contradict verse 26. There Paul permitted anger, but here he seems to condemn it (cf. James 1:19-20). Two explanations are possible. First, we may view the command in verse 26 as governing angry behavior even though anger is never God's will (v. 31). Similarly God gave instructions concerning whom divorced Israelites could remarry even though divorce was never God's will (Deut. 24:1-4; Mal. 2:16). A second possibility is that verse 26 means anger is proper in certain circumstances, but we should normally avoid it. This seems to me to be a better explanation. Jesus Himself was angry occasionally (cf. Mark 3:5). Anger does not produce the righteous life that God desires so as a rule we should avoid it (James 1:20).
4:32 We are kind when we say or do what is suitable or fitting to a need with a sweet and generous disposition. We are tender-hearted or compassionate when we feel affection for someone else. We are forgiving when we let offenses and grievances go freely and graciously. The reason we should be forgiving that underlies all the commands in this verse is that God has forgiven us freely in Jesus Christ.
Demonstrating an attitude of constant forgiveness will greatly enrich a marriage. It enables us to develop transparency and oneness with our mates. To resolve conflict there must be a willingness to forgive. We need to seek forgiveness when we wrong our mate and to communicate understanding to that person. Try restating how your mate feels to him or her and ask for forgiveness. Say, "I was wrong; I'm sorry; will you forgive me?"It is important to be specific in this process.
