5:25 In the Greco-Roman world in which Paul lived, people recognized that wives had responsibilities to their husbands but not vice versa.137Paul summarized the wife's duty as submission and the husband's duty as love. The word he used for love (agapate) means much more than sexual passion (eros) or even family affection (philia). It means seeking the highest good for another person (cf. 2:4). Husbands are to love their wives in the same way that Christ loved the church. The extent to which He went for her welfare was giving Himself up in death to provide salvation for her (cf. v. 2; Phil. 2:5-11). He gave up His rights yet maintained His responsibilities.
Love requires an attitude of unconditional acceptance of an imperfect person not based on her performance but on her intrinsic worth as God's gift to her husband. The verbalization of this acceptance is part of loving. Love also requires sacrificial action. It involves doing something, specifically placing the wife's needs before his own, such as doing something for her that she hates to do. It also involves self-denial, such as giving up something he would enjoy doing to do something she would like to do. This kind of love arises out of a commitment of the will, not just passing feelings.
5:26 The purpose Jesus Christ had in mind when He sacrificed Himself for His bride, the church, was to set her apart (sanctify, make her holy) for Himself as His own forever (cf. Heb. 2:11; 10:10, 14; 13:12). Logically cleansing comes before setting apart, but in reality these things occur simultaneously when a person trusts in Christ. The cleansing here is spiritual rather than physical. The Word of God cleanses us in the sense that when we believe the gospel it washes our sins away as water washes dirt away (cf. Titus 3:5; 1 Cor. 6:11).
5:27 What was Jesus Christ's ultimate purpose in giving Himself for the church (v. 25)? It was to present her to Himself in all her glory finally, namely without any blemishes, effects of sin (wrinkles), or anything that would diminish her glory. Positively God will eventually present the church to His Son as exclusively His and spotless (cf. 1:4). This will happen at the Rapture when all Christians will experience full sanctification (i.e., glorification) and will join our Lord forever (cf. 2 Cor. 11:2).
"Spots are caused by defilement on the outside, while wrinkles are caused by decay on the inside."138
5:28 This verse and the following two verses apply the truth just stated in verses 25-27. Since in marriage two people become one flesh (Gen. 2:24), in a figurative sense a man's wife becomes part of his own body. Consequently the husband should love and treat her as he does his own body (cf. Lev. 19:18). When he does, he is in this sense loving his own body.
5:29-30 The truth that no normal person hates his own body is clear because everyone maintains his physical body. Christ also feeds and cares for His body, the church. The implication is that husbands should likewise care for their wives since the wife is a "member"of his body.
Nourishing involves providing security. Cherishing involves protecting by watching out for and caring for. Here are some basic needs that most wives feel. They need to feel wanted, to have their husbands acknowledge their equality, to feel secure, and to feel fulfilled. They also need to enjoy sex without feeling like an object, to bear and love children with their husbands, and to enjoy companionship with their husbands.
5:31 Adam acknowledged that Eve was part of himself: "bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh"(Gen. 2:23). When a man and a woman unite in marriage, they become part of one another in as close a unity as the one that existed before God separated Eve physically from Adam. The Scriptures regard this tie as more fundamental than any other tie that unites any other two human beings including parent and child.139It is because of this high view of marriage that Christianity has traditionally taken a strong stand for the indissolubility of the marriage bond and against polygamy, adultery, and divorce.
"This statement from the creation story is the most profound and fundamental statement in the whole of Scripture concerning God's plan for marriage."140
5:32 The mystery in view is the truth previously hidden but now brought to light. The relationship that exists between a husband and his wife is the same as the one that exists between Christ and His church. The church has as close a tie to Christ spiritually as a wife has to her husband spiritually. Paul revealed that Genesis 2:24 contains a more profound truth than people previously realized. The mystery is great because it has far-reaching implications.
One of the purposes of marriage is to model Jesus Christ's relationship with the church. He leads, loves, and serves the church. The church reverently submits and is subject to Him. When husbands and wives fulfill these responsibilities to one another, their marriage models the relationship between Christ and His bride.
5:33 Even if Paul's original readers did not grasp the significance of Christ's intimate relationship to the church fully, every individual Christian husband was responsible to love his wife as himself. Likewise every Christian wife should respect (phobetai, fear, reverence) her husband (vv. 21-22). Paul did not instruct wives to love their husbands because submission is the primary expression of love that God requires. If the husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church, the wife will love her husband.
Respecting means voluntarily lifting up another person for special consideration, treatment, and obedience. It involves having consideration for his responsibilities and needs and praying for him. Words of encouragement that have a positive focus and build him up show respect for a husband as does doing things that please him. Probably most men have a poor self-image.141A man must have the respect of his wife to feel successful as a man.
