Having explained before how Christians should conduct themselves in the world, Peter next gave directions about how Christian wives and husbands should behave. He did this to help his readers identify appropriate conduct in family life during times of suffering as well as at other times.
". . . he [Peter] discusses husbands and wives, and unlike the Pauline Haustafeln, he omits references to children. The reason for this omission is simple: He probably did not consider children who had one believing parent outside the true people of God (i.e., the nations), whereas the husbands of some Christian women certainly were. Peter's concern at this point is not life within the Christian community, but life at those points where the Christian community interfaces with the world around it. . . .
"But what was probably surprising to the original readers is that here in a seemingly traditional ethical section wives are addressed at all. In that society women were expected to follow the religion of their husbands; they might have their own cult on the side, but the family religion was that of the husband. Peter clearly focuses his address on women whose husbands are not Christians (not that he would give different advice to women whose husbands were Christians), and he addresses them as independent moral agents whose decision to turn to Christ he supports and whose goal to win their husbands he encourages. This is quite a revolutionary attitude for that culture."109
This section, like the preceding one addressed to slaves, has three parts: an exhortation to defer (vv. 1-2; cf. 2:18), an admonition about pleasing God (vv. 3-4; cf. 2:18-20), and a precedent for the advocated attitude or action (vv. 5-6; cf. 2:21-25). The section on respect for everyone (2:13-17) contains the first two of these parts (2:13-14 and 15-17) but not the third.110
3:1-2 "In the same way"refers to the spirit of deference that Peter had already advocated regarding our dealings with governmental authorities (2:13-17) and people in direct authority over us (2:18-25). Primarily he meant as Christ submitted to the Father (2:21-24).
"The opening words ["in the same way"] are not intended to equate the submissiveness due from wives with that expected from slaves. Rather, as in [verse] 7, the Greek adverb (homoios) harks back to 2:13, implying that the patriarchal principle of the subordination of the wife to her husband is not a matter of human convention but the order which the Creator has established . . ."111
Clearly Peter was speaking of the relationship of wives to their husbands, not the relationship of women to men generically. He said "your own men"(i.e., your husbands). Even more specifically he was referring to wives whose husbands were "disobedient to the word"(i.e., unbelievers, cf. 2:8).
Today many Christians believe wives are equal in authority with their husbands under God. Note that other admonitions to be submissive surround this section in which Peter called on wives to submit to their husbands (2:13, 18, 23; 3:8). Wives are not the only people Peter commanded to be submissive. Submission should characterize every Christian. The Greek word hypotasso("to submit") has in view the maintenance of God's willed order, not personal inferiority of any kind.112This word may denote either voluntary or forced behavior, but not any sense of inferiority.113
Peter did not state the reason wives should submit to their own husbands in this passage nor did he give the reason we should submit to rulers or masters. It is simply God's will (cf. Eph. 5:22; Col. 3:18; 1 Tim. 2:9-15; Tit. 2:4-5). God gave the reason elsewhere in Scripture (Gen. 2:18-23; 3:16; cf. 1 Tim. 2:13-14). This reason is that God has so ordered the human race that we must all observe His structure of authority so that peace and order may prevail.
As all employees should submit to their masters, even the unreasonable, so all wives should submit to their husbands, even the unbelieving. In view of his terminology "be won"(v. 1), it seems clear that Peter had in mind the spiritual conversion of an unsaved husband. Peter did not promise that unbelieving husbands would inevitably become Christians as a result of the behavior he prescribed. That decision lies with the husband. Nevertheless the wife can have confidence that she has been faithful to God if she relates to her husband submissively.114
Should a Christian wife submit to her husband even if he directs her to sin? Some evangelicals answer yes and appeal to Ephesians 5:24 for support.115Others say no but argue that submission should extend to everything except sin.116The examples of suffering that Peter cited as good models for Christians in 2:13-25 did not involve sinning. He said wives should submit "in the same way"(3:1). Furthermore the wife's behavior is to be "chaste"(3:2) or morally pure (Gr. agnos). Peter held up Sarah as an example (3:6) not because she submitted to Abraham by even sinning in Genesis 12 and 20, but because she submitted to him. She called him her lord in Genesis 18:12. Ephesians 5:24, which calls on wives to submit to their husbands in "everything"(Gr. pas), does not mean in every thing including sin (cf. Col. 3:25). Frequently pasdoes not mean every individual thing (cf. Matt. 8:33; Rom. 8:32; 14:2; 1 Cor. 1:5; 3:21-22; 6:12; 9:12; 10:23; 14:40; 2 Cor. 5:18; Phil. 4:13, et al.). Nevertheless short of sinning Peter urged Christian wives to obey their husbands.
It is specifically the wife's behavior in contrast to her speech that Peter said may be effective in winning an unsaved husband. "A word"includes preaching as well as the Word of God. Peter was not forbidding speaking to unsaved husbands about the Lord or sharing Scripture verses if the husband would be receptive to those. His point was simply that a godly wife's conduct is going to be more influential than anything she may say. "Chaste"is a general term describing her purity while "respectful"reflects her attitude toward her husband that rises out of her attitude toward God's will.
Submission involves at least four things. First, it begins with an attitude of entrusting oneself to God (cf. 2:23-25). The focus of our life must be on Jesus Christ. Second, submission requires respectful behavior (3:1-2). Nagging is not respectful behavior. Third, submission involves the development of a godly character (3:3-5). Fourth, submission includes doing what is right (3:6). It does not include violating other Scriptural principles. Submission is imperative for oneness in marriage.117
3:3-4 Peter was not telling wives to refrain from giving attention to their physical appearances, as the NASB makes clear. His point was that this should not be their total or primary concern. Beauty is more than skin deep. He urged the cultivation of the inner person as well. He contrasted what human society values and what God values. A gentle disposition and a tranquil spirit can make even a plain woman very attractive not only to God but to men (cf. 1 Sam. 16:7; 1 Tim. 2:9-10). The Greek word for "adornment"(kosmos) is the one from which we get our word "cosmetics."
3:5-6 "His [Peter's] concern is that the church not be known for its production of rebellious wives who have an attitude of superiority, but of women who, because they know God will reward them and set everything right, demonstrate the virtue of gentle submission where Christianly possible."118
Sarah is a good example of such a woman. We see her attitude of respect in the way she spoke to Abraham (v. 2). "Lord"sounds servile to us, but an equally acceptable translation of the Greek word is "sir."The point is that she verbally expressed her submission to him in a way that was appropriate in her culture.119Women who behave as Sarah did show that they are her daughters in spirit. Such behavior demonstrates trust in God and holiness, separation from sin to God's will.
"His [Peter's] argument is from the greater to the lesser: if Sarah obeyed' Abraham and called him Lord,' the Christian wives in Asia should at least treat their husbands with deference and respect."120
"Without being frightened by any fear"(v. 6) is not a condition for becoming a true daughter of Sarah in addition to doing what is right. It is rather the consequence of adopting the behavior that Peter advocated. If a Christian wife was suffering for her faith because of her conduct, she could gain great confidence by doing what Peter counselled and what Sarah practiced. She could understand that any suffering that came her way was not a result of her sinful behavior but in spite of her godly behavior (cf. 2:20; Prov. 3:25).
"The sense is that these Christian women are to let nothing terrifying frighten them from their course. Pagan women may disdain and insult them because they have adopted a nobler wifehood, they yet remain unafraid. Pagan husbands may resent their Christianity; this, too, does not frighten them."121
