Why did Peter write more about the conduct of women (vv. 1-6) than of men (v. 7)? He evidently did so because his concern was for Christian wives who were married to pagan husbands. A Christian wife married to a pagan husband was in a more vulnerable position than a Christian husband who was married to a pagan wife in that culture. Normally pagan women married to Christian husbands would adopt their husbands' faith. In Roman society a wife would normally adopt her husband's religion.122
"His emphasis throughout is on those points at which the Christian community faces outward to confront Roman society. Probably for this reason he omits children and parents altogether; the parent-child relationship (at least in regard to younger children) is not normally one in which belief and unbelief confront each other . . ."123
The Roman author Cato wrote, "If you were to catch your wife in an act of infidelity, you can kill her with impunity without a trial; but, if she were to catch you, she would not venture to touch you with her finger, and, indeed, she has no right."124
The Christian wife's new freedom in Christ created new problems and challenges for her. Perhaps Peter also wanted to communicate more encouragement (vv. 5-6) and tenderness to the women, not because he felt they were greater sinners than their husbands. What follows in verse 7 is just as challenging as what we have read in verses 1-6.
"It is clear that Peter does not think about the possibility of a husband with a non-Christian wife, for if a family head in that culture changed his religion it would be normal that his wife, servants, and children also changed."125
"In 1 Peter 3:1-6 Christian wives are instructed to behave with deference as they encounter the difficulties of living with an unbelieving husband. Similarly in verse 7 Christian husbands are told to honor their wives in unfair circumstances brought about by the wife's being the weaker vessel."126
As with his instructions to wives, Peter began his counsel to the husbands with a command to think right first (cf. 3:1-2). He said men should cultivate understanding. This brief charge carries profound implications. It requires active listening to the wife as well as study of her temperament, emotions, personality, and thought patterns. It is a tall order to know one's wife, to understand her, even to be understanding with her. However the knowledge in view is probably primarily knowledge of God's Word concerning the proper treatment of one's wife.127
By comparing a wife to a weaker vessel Peter was not implying that wives or women are inferior to husbands or males nor that they are weaker in every way or most ways. Obviously, in many marriages the wife is the stronger person emotionally, mentally, spiritually, morally, socially, and or physically. Nevertheless physically the wife is usually weaker than her husband. Men tend to choose as their wives women who are not as strong as they are. Furthermore generally men are stronger than women physically. In view of this, husbands need to treat their wives with special consideration. Both the husband and the wife are vessels, but husbands are more typically similar to iron skillets whereas wives resemble china vases, being more delicate. They are equally important but different.
Peter banished any implication of essential inferiority with his reminder that the wife is a fellow-heir of God's grace just as much as the husband. God deals with both types of people the same when it comes to bestowing grace on them. He shows no favoritism or partiality because of their genders. Wives may normally be more delicate in some respects than their husbands, but spiritually they are equal. "Life"probably refers to both physical life and spiritual life since husbands and wives share both equally.
The husband who does not treat his wife with honor will not get answers to his prayers the way he could if he did treat her with honor (cf. Matt. 6:14-15). In other words, disobedience to the will of God regarding how a man treats his wife hinders the husband's fellowship with God.
"Egkoptesthai[be hindered'], to have an obstacle thrown in the way, does not restrict the thought to preventing the prayers from reaching their destination at God's throne of grace. The thought includes all manner of hindering. A husband who treats his wife in the wrong way will himself be unfit to pray, will scarcely pray at all. There will be no family altar, no life of prayer. His worship in the congregation will be affected."128
A man's selfishness and egotism in his marriage will hurt his relationship with God as well as his relationship with his wife.
"As the closest human relationship, the relationship to one's spouse must be most carefully cherished if one wishes a close relationship with God."129
One of a husband's primary responsibilities in a marriage is caring for his wife. Caring requires understanding. If you are married, what are your wife's greatest needs? Ask her. What are her greatest concerns? Ask her. What are her hopes and dreams? Ask her. What new vistas would she like to explore? Ask her, and keep on asking her over the years! Her answers will enable you to understand and to care for her more effectively.
"In order to be able to love deeply, we must know each other profoundly. If we are to lovingly respond to the needs of another, we must know what they are."130
"In my premarital counseling as a pastor, I often gave the couple pads of paper and asked them to write down the three things each one thinks the other enjoys doing the most. Usually, the prospective bride made her list immediately; the man would sit and ponder. And usually the girl was right but the man wrong! . . .
"To say, I never knew you felt that way!' is to confess that, at some point, one mate excommunicated the other."131
