So the Tekoan woman went ¹  to the king. She bowed down with her face to the ground in deference to him and said, “Please help me, ²  O king!”

When he approached her, the woman asked, “Are you Joab?” He replied, “I am.” She said to him, “Listen to the words of your servant.” He said, “Go ahead. I’m listening.”

The woman conceived and then sent word to David saying, “I’m pregnant.”

The king replied to her, “What do you want?” ¹  She answered, “I am a widow; my husband is dead.

Then the woman said, “Please permit your servant to speak to my lord the king about another matter.” He replied, “Tell me.”

She said, “In the past they would always say, ‘Let them inquire in Abel,’ and that is how they settled things.

But she said to him, “No, my brother! Don’t humiliate me! This just isn’t done in Israel! Don’t do this foolish thing!

But she said to him, “No I won’t, for sending me away now would be worse than what you did to me earlier!” ¹  But he refused to listen to her.

The Tekoan woman said to the king, “My lord the king, let any blame fall on me and on the house of my father. But let the king and his throne be innocent!”

The woman said, “Why have you devised something like this against God’s people? When the king speaks in this fashion, he makes himself guilty, for the king has not brought back the one he has banished.

When David went home to pronounce a blessing on his own house, ¹  Michal, Saul’s daughter, came out to meet him. ²  She said, “How the king of Israel has distinguished ³  himself this day! He has exposed himself today before his servants’ slave girls the way a vulgar fool ⁴  might do!”

She replied, “In that case, ¹  let the king invoke the name of ²  the Lord your God so that the avenger of blood may not kill! Then they will not destroy my son!” He replied, “As surely as the Lord lives, not a single hair of your son’s head ³  will fall to the ground.”

I have now come to speak with my lord the king about this matter, because the people have made me fearful. ¹  But your servant said, ‘I will speak to the king! Perhaps the king will do what his female servant ²  asks.

So your servant said, ‘May the word of my lord the king be my security, for my lord the king is like the angel of God when it comes to deciding between right and wrong! May the Lord your God be with you!’”

Then the king replied to the woman, “Don’t hide any information from me when I question you.” The woman said, “Let my lord the king speak!”

When the servants of Absalom approached the woman at her home, they asked, “Where are Ahimaaz and Jonathan?” The woman replied to them, “They crossed over the stream.” Absalom’s men ¹  searched but did not find them, so they returned to Jerusalem. ² 

The king said, “Did Joab put you up to all of this?” ¹  The woman answered, “As surely as you live, my lord the king, there is no deviation to the right or to the left from all that my lord the king has said. For your servant Joab gave me instructions. He has put all these words in your servant’s mouth.

That’s not the way things are. There is a man from the hill country of Ephraim named Sheba son of Bicri. He has rebelled ¹  against King David. Give me just this one man, and I will leave the city.” The woman said to Joab, “This very minute ²  his head will be thrown over the wall to you!”