When David went home to pronounce a blessing on his own house, ¹  Michal, Saul’s daughter, came out to meet him. ²  She said, “How the king of Israel has distinguished ³  himself this day! He has exposed himself today before his servants’ slave girls the way a vulgar fool ⁴  might do!”

When David had gone a short way beyond the summit, Ziba the servant of Mephibosheth was there to meet him. He had a couple of donkeys that were saddled, and on them were two hundred loaves of bread, a hundred raisin cakes, a hundred baskets of summer fruit, ¹  and a container of wine.

he ¹  went and took the bones of Saul and of his son Jonathan ²  from the leaders ³  of Jabesh Gilead. (They had secretly taken ⁴  them from the plaza at Beth Shan. It was there that Philistines ⁵  publicly exposed their corpses ⁶  after ⁷  they ⁸  had killed Saul at Gilboa.)

These words of Ish-bosheth really angered Abner and he said, “Am I the head of a dog that belongs to Judah? This very day I am demonstrating ¹  loyalty to the house of Saul your father and to his relatives ²  and his friends! I have not betrayed you into the hand of David. Yet you have accused me of sinning with this woman today! ³ 

Then David said to Abishai and to all his servants, “My own son, my very own flesh and blood, ¹  is trying to take my life. So also now this Benjaminite! Leave him alone so that he can curse, for the Lord has spoken to him.

That’s not the way things are. There is a man from the hill country of Ephraim named Sheba son of Bicri. He has rebelled ¹  against King David. Give me just this one man, and I will leave the city.” The woman said to Joab, “This very minute ²  his head will be thrown over the wall to you!”

When the angel ¹  extended his hand to destroy Jerusalem, the Lord relented from his judgment. ²  He told the angel who was killing the people, “That’s enough! Stop now!” ³  (Now the Lord’s angel was near the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite.)

Now King David heard about all these things and was very angry. ¹ 

But the king said to Absalom, “No, my son. We shouldn’t all go. We shouldn’t burden you in that way.” Though Absalom ¹  pressed ²  him, the king ³  was not willing to go. Instead, David ⁴  blessed him.

Then the watchman saw another man running. The watchman called out to the gatekeeper, “There is another man running by himself.” The king said, “This one also is bringing good news.”

Those who carried the ark of the Lord took six steps and then David ¹  sacrificed an ox and a fatling calf.

When someone approached to bow before him, Absalom ¹  would extend his hand and embrace him and kiss him.

The king replied to him, “Go in peace.” So Absalom ¹  got up and went to Hebron.

But Asahel ¹  refused to turn aside. So Abner struck him in the abdomen with the back end of his ²  spear. The spear came out his back; Asahel ³  collapsed on the spot and died there right before Abner. ⁴  Everyone who now comes to the place where Asahel fell dead pauses in respect. ⁵ 

When Abner returned to Hebron, Joab took him aside at the gate as if to speak privately with him. Joab then stabbed him ¹  in the abdomen and killed him, avenging the shed blood of his brother Asahel. ² 

Then Mephibosheth ¹  bowed and said, “Of what importance am I, your servant, that you show regard for a dead dog like me?” ² 

Now Joab returned from chasing Abner and assembled all the people. Nineteen of David’s soldiers were missing, in addition to Asahel.

But my servant ¹  has slandered me ²  to my lord the king. But my lord the king is like an angel of God. Do whatever seems appropriate to you.

Amasa was squirming in his own blood in the middle of the path, and this man had noticed that all the soldiers stopped. Having noticed that everyone who came across Amasa ¹  stopped, the man ²  pulled him ³  away from the path and into the field and threw a garment over him.

Then Joab left David and sent messengers after Abner. They brought him back from the well of Sirah. (But David was not aware of it.)