How to Tell When It’s Going to be a Rotten Day

• You wake up face down on the pavement.
• You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
• You see a “60 Minutes” news team waiting in your office.
• Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
• You turn on the news and they’re showing emergency routes out of the city.
• Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
• Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell’s Angels on the freeway.
• Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
• The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
• You wake up and your braces are locked together.
• You call your answering service and they tell you it’s none of your business.
• Your income tax check bounces.
• You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
• Your wife says, “Good morning, Bill,” and your name is George.

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