Timber Guidelines

Quality:

Presidential Timber - Leaps tall buildings with a single bound.

Vice-President Timber - Must take running start to leap over tall buildings.

Timber - Can leap only over short buildings or medium buildings with no spires.

Deadwood - Crashes into building when attempting to jump over them.

Toothpick - Cannot recognize buildings at all, much less jump.

Initiative:

Presidential Timber - Is stronger than a locomotive.

Vice-President Timber - Is stronger than a bull elephant.

Timber - Is stronger than a bull.

Deadwood - Shoots the bull.

Toothpick - Smells like a bull.

Use of Time:

Presidential Timber - Is faster than a speeding bullet.

Vice-President Timber - Is as fast as a speeding bullet.

Timber - Not quite so fast as a speeding bullet.

Deadwood - Would you believe a slow bullet.

Toothpick - Wounds self with bullets attempting to shoot gun.

Communication:

Presidential Timber - Talks with God.

Vice-President Timber - Talks with angels.

Timber - Talks to himself.

Deadwood - Argues with himself.

Toothpick - Loses those arguments.

Source unknown