Topic : Qualifications
Timber
Quality
- Presidential Timber - Leaps tall buildings with a single bound.
- Vice-President Timber - Must take running start to leap over tall buildings.
- Timber - Can leap only over short buildings or medium buildings with no spires.
- Deadwood - Crashes into building when attempting to jump over them.
- Toothpick - Cannot recognize buildings at all, much less jump.
Initiative:
- Presidential Timber - Is stronger than a locomotive.
- Vice-President Timber - Is stronger than a bull elephant.
- Timber - Is stronger than a bull.
- Deadwood - Shoots the bull.
- Toothpick - Smells like a bull.
Use of Time:
- Presidential Timber - Is faster than a speeding bullet.
- Vice-President Timber - Is as fast as a speeding bullet.
- Timber - Not quite so fast as a speeding bullet.
- Deadwood - Would you believe a slow bullet.
- Toothpick - Wounds self with bullets attempting to shoot gun.
Communication:
- Presidential Timber - Talks with God.
- Vice-President Timber - Talks with angels.
- Timber - Talks to himself.
- Deadwood - Argues with himself.
- Toothpick - Loses those arguments.
