Topic : Caught

In San Antonio, a man was sentenced to ten years probation for a bungled burglary of a liquor store. The burglar had cut his hand badly when he broke through the roof of the store. He tried to throw a bottle of whiskey out through the hole he had created but missed, causing the bottle to fall to the floor, shatter and set off an alarm. He then fell onto the broken glass, cutting himself again. Reaching the roof for his getaway, he fell off, leaving his wallet on the sidewalk. He also left a trail of blood from the store to his home, just around the corner.

Chuck Shepherd, Universal Press Syndicate

A San Diego patrol officer was off-duty when she witnessed a drug deal. Wearing a dress and high heels, she figured she’d never be quick enough to catch the buyer. But as she watched, the buyer walked back to his car and threw up his hands in despair. His dilemma left the officer plenty of time to call in a patrol unit to arrest the fellow. The hapless druggie had locked his keys in his car.

Tom Blair in San Diego Union-Tribune

Robert Wood Johnson, the former chairman of Johnson & Johnson, was known to be a terror when he inspected his plants. On one such unannounced visit, the plant manager had a fortunate 30-minute tip prior to his arrival. Hastily he had things spruced up by ordering several large rolls of paper transported to the roof of the building. When Johnson arrived, he was furious.

“What in the hell is all that junk on the roof?” were his first words.

How were they to know that he would arrive in his personal helicopter'

Edward Buxton, Promise Them Anything (Stein & Day), in Reader’s Digest, March 1980

During one of his political campaigns, a delegation called on Theodore Roosevelt at his home in Oyster Bay, Long Island. The President met them with his coat off and his sleeves rolled up.

“Ah, gentlemen,” he said, “come down to the barn and we will talk while I do some work.”

At the barn, Roosevelt picked up a pitchfork and looked around for the hay. Then he called out, “John, where’s all the hay?”

“Sorry, sir,” John called down from the hayloft. “I ain’t had time to toss it back down again after you pitched it up while the Iowa folks were here.”

Bits & Pieces, November 12, 1992, pp. 19-20

Lady Nancy Astor, the first woman ever seated in the British House of Commons, encountered a lot of male antagonism – but proved herself capable of giving as well as receiving in that arena. Once, at a formal dinner, Lady Astor said to her neighbor that she considered men to be more conceited than women.

Noticing that she had been heard around the table, she continued loudly: “It’s a pity that the most intelligent and learned men attach the least importance to the way they dress. Why, right at this table the most cultivated man is wearing the most clumsily knotted tie!” The words were scarcely out of her mouth before every man in the room secretly reached up to adjust his tie.

Today in the Word, May 9, 1992

An enthusiastic but somewhat unscrupulous salesman was waiting to see the purchasing agent of the engineering firm where my husband worked. The salesman was there to submit his company’s bid, or price quote, for a particular job. He couldn’t help but notice, however, that a competitor’s bid was on the purchasing agent’s desk. Unfortunately, the actual figure was covered by a can of juice. The temptation to see the amount quoted became too much, so the salesman lifted the can. His heart sank as he watched thousands of BB’s pour from the bottomless can and scatter across the floor.

Reader’s Digest, contributed by P.H.

In A View From The Zoo, Gary Richmond, a former zoo keeper, tells about an experience a friend had with a raccoon. He explains that raccoons go through a glandular change at about 24 months. After that they often attack their owners. A 30-pound raccoon can be equal to a 100-pound dog in a scrap. Richmond felt compelled to warn this young friend of his named Julie of the change coming to her pet raccoon. She listened politely as he explained the coming danger. She responded by saying what people always say, “It will be different for me...” And she smiled as she added, “Bandit wouldn’t hurt me. He just wouldn’t.” Three months later Julie underwent plastic surgery for facial lacerations sustained when Bandit attacked her for no apparent reason.

Quoted in Dynamic Preaching, June 1990