Topic : Communication

During an important military exercise, another Air Force member and I were working in a radar van under a simulated attack. We were under strict orders not to open the door unless we received the secret code, which we had been given at the morning briefing. Later in the day, we heard knocking at the door. Remembering our orders, I yelled out “Fort” and waited for the correct response, “Knox.” It never came. Several minutes later we heard more knocking, but again we didn’t receive the proper response.

Over the course of the afternoon, various others came to the door and knocked, but no one gave us the correct password. Proud of ourselves for not being tricked into opening up to the enemy, we later received a phone call from a furious superior officer who told us to open the door immediately. After we explained that we were simply following orders, he informed us that the code was not “Fort Knox,” but four knocks.

Contributed by Ssgt. Lynda C. Lovell, Reader’s Digest, July 1997, p. 139

With one in four young people now indicating that they have never had a meaningful conversation with their father, is it any wonder that 76 percent of the 1,200 teens surveyed in USA Today actually want their parents to spend more time with them'

USA Today

Andree Alieon Brooks, a New York Times journalist, in her eye-opening book Children of Fast-Track Parents, describes her interviews with scores of children and parents who seemed to “have it all”: “If there was one theme that constantly emerged from my conversations with the children it was a surprising undercurrent of aloneness—feelings of isolation from peers as well as parents despite their busy lives.”

Mark DeVries, Family-Based Youth Ministry, (Downers Grove, IL, InterVarsity Press, 1994, pp. 40-41

A Hope for No Tensions (If one can be sweet, surface, cheerful, then tensions can be avoided. So niceness is necessary.)

A Hope for No Differences (If one can be agreeable, compliant, adaptable, then differences can be erased. Since differences are dangerous.)

A Hope for No Criticism (If one can communicate cautiously, with questions, cleverly with concealed or indirect messages, then criticism can be escaped. Since comments are criticism.)

A Hope for No Anger (If one can hide, suppress, deny, or defer anger, then negative feelings can be eliminated. Since angeris attack.)

A Hope for No Weakness (If one can hide pain, stifle tears, conceal sadness then one will appear strong and invulnerable. Since sadness is weakness.)

A Hope for No Disobedience (If one can gain another’s love, they will have to be loyal, obedient, conforming to the lover’s demands. Since love is control.)

A Hope for No Craziness (If one can keep all debate perfectly reasonable, then all feelings can be kept in their place. Since logic is the last word.)

A Hope for No Failure (If one can strive to be completely adequate, successful, perfect, one is safe. Since failure is final.)

David Augsberger, When Enough is Enough, (Ventura, CA: Regal Books, 1984), p. 106, 109-130

Too many fathers never learn to communicate with their children, and the silence that begins in childhood remains unbroken. Playwright Moss Hart capsulized this kind of heartbreaking estrangement in his autobiography when he described a walk with his father on Christmas Eve the year he was ten. The Harts were quite poor, but Moss’s father took him down to 149th Street and Westchester in New York City that night, past countless toy vendors’ pushcarts. Moss strolled with his father past the carts, eyeing chemistry sets and printing presses with obvious longing.

“I looked up and saw we were nearing the end of the line. Only two or three more pushcarts remained. My father looked up, too, and I heard him jingle some coins in his pocket. In a flash I knew it all. He’d gotten together about seventy-five cents to buy me a Christmas present, and he hadn’t dared say so in case there was nothing to be had for so small a sum.

“As I looked up at him I saw a look of despair and disappointment in his eyes that brought me closer to him than I had ever been in my life. I wanted to throw my arms around him and say ‘It doesn’t matter...I understand...This is better than a chemistry set or a printing press...I love you.’ But instead we stood shivering beside each other for a moment—then turned silently back home. I don’t know why the words remained choked up within me. I didn’t even take his hand on the way home, nor did he take mine. We were not on that basis.”

From Bad Beginnings to Happy Endings, by Ed Young, (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publ., 1994), p. 32.

Yogi Berra, Hall of Fame catcher and former New York Yankees manager, was the champion of muddled conversation. Here are a few of his ambiguous statements:

• On a hot day in St. Petersburg, Florida, a spring training observer told Yogi, “Good afternoon, Mr. Berra. My, you look mighty cool today.” “Thank you, ma’am,” Yogi replied. “You don’t look so hot yourself.”
• “We lost because we made too many wrong mistakes.”
• “A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.”
• “Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical.”
• “You got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.”

Source unknown

Communication breakdown is an oft-cited culprit in marital problems. If you sometimes feel your mate just doesn’t understand you (who doesn’t feel that way now and then?), maybe the problem lies in what you’re doing. H. Norman Wright offers 10 tips for talking:

1. Be a ready listener and do not answer until the other person has finished talking.

2. Be slow to speak. Think first. Don’t be hasty in your words. Speak in such a way that the other person can understand and accept what you say.

3. Speak the truth always, but do it in love. Do not exaggerate.

4. Do not use silence to frustrate your spouse. Explain why you are hesitant to talk at this time.

5. Do not quarrel. It is possible to disagree without quarreling.

6. Do not respond in anger. Use a soft and kind response.

7. When you are in the wrong, admit it and ask your mate for forgiveness. When someone confesses to you, tell them you forgive them. Be sure it is also forgotten and not brought up again.

8. Avoid nagging.

9. Do not blame or criticize the other, but restore them, encourage them and edify them. If someone verbally attacks, criticizes or blames you, do not respond in the same manner.

10. Try to understand the other person’s opinion. Make allowances for differences. Be concerned about your mate’s interests.

In following these 10 guidelines, here are some scriptures worth reading and remembering: Job 19:2, Proverbs 18:21, Proverbs 25:11, James 3:8-10, 1 Peter 3:10-11.

NEW MAN, March/April, 1995, p. 14

I was an air-traffic controller stationed at Selfridge Air National Guard Base in Michigan. One morning we picked up a Montana National Guard passenger aircraft. Instead of identifying the plane by its five-digit tail number, its pilot radioed, “Selfridge Approach, this is Pig Sty One.” As we were taught to refer to aircraft by whatever call sign the pilot used, the controller thereafter called the craft “Pig Sty One.” Just after touching down, the pilot contacted the tower.

“Selfridge,” he said, “our call sign is not ‘Pig Sty one.” It is ‘Big Sky One,’ and we have the governor of Montana on board!”

Contributed by Carl M. Tucker

An elderly man stopped at a hearing aid center and asked about prices. “We have them from $25,000 down to $1.50,” the salesman said.

“What’s the $25,000 one like?”

“Well it translates three languages.”

“And what about the one for $1.50?”

“It’s this button attached to a string,” said the salesman, pushing it across the counter.

“How does it work?”

“It doesn’t. But if you put the button in your ear and the string in your pocket, you’ll be surprised how loud people will talk.”

Robert Denk, quoted by Judy Wells Martin in Jacksonville Florida Times-Union

Three kids bragging about fathers:

First: My dad’s so smart he can talk for one hour on any subject.

Second: My dad’s so smart he can talk for two hours on any subject.

Third: My dad’s so smart he can talk for 3 hours and doesn’t even need a subject.

Source unknown

A woman went to a lawyer and said she wanted a divorce. The lawyer got out his note pad, and proceeded to ask her some questions.

“Do you have any grounds?” he inquired.

“Oh, yes,” she replied. “About three-quarters of an acre.”

The lawyer paused for a moment, then queried, “Do you have a grudge?”

“No,” the woman answered quickly. “But we do have a lovely carport.”

Again the lawyer paused and then asked, “Does he beat you up?”

“No. I get up before he does every morning,” the woman reported.

Finally the lawyer blurted, “Lady, why do you want to divorce your husband?”

“It’s because,” she explained, “that man can’t carry on an intelligent conversation.”

Brent Barlow in Salt Lake City Desert News

While eating in a restaurant, I reprimanded my four-year-old son for speaking with his mouth full. “Mump umn Kmpfhm,” was all I heard.

“Drew,” I scolded, “no one can understand a word you’re saying.”

“He says he wants some ketchup,” my husband said calmly.

A woman sitting nearby leaned over and asked, “How in the world did you understand him?”

“I’m a dentist,” my husband explained.

Contributed by Julia Denton, Reader’s Digest

Neil Marten, a member of the British Parliament, was once giving a group of his constituents a guided tour of the Houses of Parliament. During the course of the visit, the group happened to meet Lord Hailsham, then lord chancellor, wearing all the regalia of his office. Hailsham recognized Marten among the group and cried, “Neil!” Not daring to question or disobey the “command,” the entire band of visitors promptly fell to their knees!

Today in the Word, July 30, 1993

The power of a successfully communicated thought, from one human mind to another, is one of the greatest forces we know. But like the tango, it takes two to communicate. You can communicate a thought, but your thought may not be understood. In some cases, your thought may not even reach the proper target. That’s why it pays to ask questions to make certain that people understand what you are saying. The great movie maker, Cecil B. DeMille would agree.

DeMille was making one of his great epic movies. He had six cameras at various points to pick up the overall action and five other cameras set up to film plot developments involving the major characters. The large cast had begun rehearsing their scene at 6 a.m. They went through it four times and now it was late afternoon. The sun was setting and there was just enough light to get the shot done. DeMille looked over the panorama, saw that all was right, and gave the command for action.

One hundred extras charged up the hill; another hundred came storming down the same hill to do mock battle. In another location Roman centurions lashed and shouted at two hundred slaves who labored to move a huge stone monument toward its resting place.

Meanwhile the principal characters acted out, in close-up, their reactions to the battle on the hill. Their words were drowned out by the noise around them, but the dialogue was to be dubbed in later.

It took fifteen minutes to complete the scene. When it was over, DeMille yelled, “Cut!” and turned to his assistant, all smiles. “That was great!” he said.

“It was, C.B.,” the assistant yelled back. “It was fantastic! Everything went off perfectly!”

Enormously pleased, DeMille turned to face the head of his camera crew to find out if all the cameras had picked up what they had been assigned to film. He waved to the camera crew supervisor.

From the top of the hill, the camera supervisor waved back, raised his megaphone, and called out, “Ready when you are, C.B!”

Bits & Pieces, May 27, 1993, pp.15-17

A man was having difficulty communicating with is wife and concluded that she was becoming hard of hearing. So he decided to conduct a test without her knowing about it.

One evening he sat in a chair on the far side of the room. Her back was to him and she could not see him. Very quietly he whispered, “Can you hear me?” There was no response.

Moving a little closer, he asked again, “Can you hear me now?” Still no reply.

Quietly he edged closer and whispered the same words, but still no answer.

Finally he moved right in behind her chair and said, “Can you hear me now?” To his surprise and chagrin she responded with irritation in her voice, “For the fourth time, yes!”

What a warning to us about judging!

Our Daily Bread, June 24, 1993

J. Edgar Hoover ran the FBI, no question about it. As a result, almost all of his subordinates were on the lookout for ways to impress their powerful boss. A young FBI man was put in charge of the FBI’s supply department. In an effort to cut some costs and impress his boss, he reduced the size of the office memo paper. One of the new memo sheets soon ended up on Hoover’s desk. Hoover took one look at it, determined he didn’t like the size of the margins on the paper, and quickly scribbled on the memo, “Watch the borders!”

The memo was passed on through the office. For the next six weeks, it was extremely difficult to enter the United States by road from either Mexico or Canada. The FBI was watching the borders.

Why was the FBI watching the borders? They thought they had received a warning from their chief. But they hadn’t. They had transformed an innocuous comment into a solemn warning.

Family Survival in the American Jungle, Steve Farrar, 1991, Multnomah Press, p. 75

Don Hewitt, creator of “60 Minutes,” on his special talent as a journalist:

My philosophy is simple. It’s what little kids say to their parents: “Tell me a story.” Even the people who wrote the Bible knew that when you deal with issues, you tell stories. The issue was evil; the story was Noah.

I’ve had producers say, “We’ve got to do something on acid rain.” I say, “Hold it. Acid rain is not a story. Acid rain is a topic. We don’t do topics. Find me someone who has to deal with the problem of acid rain. Now you have a story.”

Terry Ann Knopf in Boston Globe Magazine, in Reader’s Digest

Returning home one afternoon with my two daughters, Kimberley, age two, and Kristi, six months, I pulled into my driveway and stopped to check the mailbox. But when I returned to the car, I found Kimberley had pushed the locks down on both doors—and I had left the key in the ignition.

For an hour I tried to explain to Kimberley how to pull up the door handle. I was on the verge of tears. My husband wasn’t home, and since we live in the country, there were no neighbors to help.

Finally Kimberley stood up and softly tapped on the window. As I looked down at her, she said, “Mommy, do you want me to roll down the window?”

Diane Prestwood (Magee, Miss.)

Cleveland Amory tells this story about Judge John Lowell of Boston. One morning the judge was at breakfast, his face hidden behind the morning paper. A frightened maid tiptoed into the room and whispered something to Mrs. Lowell’s ear.

The lady paled slightly, then squared her shoulders resolutely and said, “John, the cook has burned the oatmeal, and there is no more in the house. I am afraid that this morning, for the first time in seventeen years, you will have to go without your oatmeal.”

The judge, without putting down his paper, answered, “It’s all right, my dear. Frankly, I never cared much for it anyhow.”

Bits & Pieces, March 4, 1993, p. 23

Professional golfer Tommy Bolt was playing in Los Angeles and had a caddy with a reputation of constant chatter. Before they teed off, Bolt told him, “Don’t say a word to me. And if I ask you something, just answer yes or no.”

During the round, Bolt found the ball next to a tree, where he had to hit under a branch, over a lake and onto the green. He got down on his knees and looked through the trees and sized up the shot.

“What do you think?” he asked the caddy. “Five-iron?”

“No, Mr. Bolt,” the caddy said.

“What do you mean, not a five-iron?” Bolt snorted. “Watch this shot.”

The caddy rolled his eyes. “No-o-o, Mr. Bolt.”

But Bolt hit it and the ball stopped about two feet from the hole. He turned to his caddy, handed him the five-iron and said, “Now what do you think about that? You can talk now.”

“Mr. Bolt,” the caddy said, “that wasn’t your ball.”

Crossroads, Issue No. 7, pp.15-16

Communicating with a target market means more than tossing out catchy slogans. A few companies learned this the hard way when they tried to translate their catchy English slogans directly into Spanish.

• Braniff beckoned its passengers to “Fly in Leather,” and Eastern Airlines proclaimed that “We Earn Our Wings Daily.” Both of these now-defunct airlines were terribly mistaken. A Spanish speaker would think Braniff was asking its riders to “Fly Naked,” and a Spanish translation of the Eastern slogan evoked a final destination in heaven, following death.
• A few classic marketing blunders: General Motors discovered too late that “Nova” literally means “Doesn’t go” in Spanish.
• Coors encouraged its English-speaking customers to “Turn It Loose,” but the phrase in Spanish meant “Suffer from Diarrhea.”
• Budweiser’s “King of Beers” becomes “Queen of Beers” in Spanish because the Spanish word for beer, “cerveza,” has a feminine ending.
• And when Frank Perdue said, “It Takes a Tough Man to Make a Tender Chicken,” Spanish speakers heard “It Takes a Sexually Stimulated Man to Make a Chicken Affectionate.”

American Demographics, February, 1992, p.14

This story deals with a rather old fashioned lady, who was planning a couple of weeks vacation in Florida. She also was quite delicate and elegant with her language. She wrote a letter to a particular campground and asked for reservations. She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped but didn’t know quite how to ask about the “toilet” facilities. She just couldn’t bring herself to write the word “toilet” in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old fashioned term “Bathroom Commode,” but when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So she started all over again; rewrote the entire letter and referred to the “Bathroom Commode” simply as the “B.C.”. Does the campground have its own “B.C.?” is what she actually wrote.

Well, the campground owner wasn’t old fashioned at all, and when he got the letter, he couldn’t figure out what the lady was talking about. That “B.C.” really stumped him. After worrying about it for several days, he showed the letter to other campers, but they couldn’t figure out what the lady meant either. The campground owner finally came to the conclusion that the lady was and must be asking about the location of the local Baptist Church. So he sat down and wrote the following reply: “Dear Madam: I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take pleasure of informing in that the “B.C.” is located nine miles north of the camp site and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along, and make a day of it..... They usually arrive early and stay late. The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now, there is a supper planned to raise money to buy more seats.....They plan to hold the supper in the middle of the B.C., so everyone can watch and talk about this great event.....I would like to say it pains me very much, not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely not for lack of desire on my part....As we grow older, it seems to be more and more of an effort, particularly in cold weather..... If you decide to come down to the campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go ... sit with you ... and introduce you to all the other folks. ... This is really a very friendly community.

Source unknown

Well-known Broadway producer Jed Harris once became convinced he was losing his hearing. He visited a specialist, who pulled out a gold watch and asked “Can you hear this ticking?”

“Of course,” Harris replied.

The specialist walked to the door and asked the question again.

Harris concentrated and said, “Yes, I can hear it clearly.”

Then the doctor walked into the next room and repeated the question a third time. A third time Harris said he could hear the ticking.

“Mr. Harris,” the doctor concluded, “there is nothing wrong with your hearing. You just don’t listen.”

Today in the Word, June 9, 1992

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

Source unknown

We chop down trees but chop up wood.
We draw down wrath, we draw up wills.
We run down foes, we run up bills.
We eat up food, we down a drink,
Which is a little strange, I think.
We turn down offers, turn up noses.
Just one last thought and then this closes:
We should remember, we poor clowns,
That life is full of ups and downs.

Richard Armour, Source unknown

A man with a wife and daughter picked up the phone and dialed his home. There was a phone in the kitchen and an extension upstairs. Two female voices answered simultaneously, “I’ve got it,” followed by two clicks as both hung up.

Bits and Pieces, Dec, 1991, p. 12

Back in 1934, when the Cunard line was getting ready to name its greatest ocean liner, the consensus was that it should be named after Queen Elizabeth I. A high official is reported to have had an audience with King George V. “We would like to name the ship after England’s greatest queen,” he told the king. “Well,” said King George, “I shall have to ask her.” The ship was promptly named Queen Mary.

Bits and Pieces, Oct. 17, 1991

Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of a witness. - Margaret Millar

Source unknown

• Verbal—what I say 7%
• Vocal—how I say it 38%
• Visual—how I look, act, etc. 55%

Source unknown

Albert Mehrabian, professor at the University of California Prudence Leith, Caterer and Restauranteur, tells this story in the book, “Pardon Me, but You’re Eating my Doily.”

My favourite catering disaster is the true story of the couple who went to the Far East on holiday. They wanted, besides their own supper, something to give their poodle. Pointing to the dog, they made international eating signs. The waiter understood, picked up the poodle, and set off for the kitchen—only to return half an hour later with the roasted poodle on a platter.

Source unknown

A few years ago gifts to the Prairie Bible Institute of Alberta, Canada, declined from a certain geographical area. At that time the school’s president, Dr. Maxwell, had undergone two operations for cataracts, one on each eye. When a representative of the school was visiting in that particular area, a donor asked why Dr. Maxwell was riding around in two Cadillacs.

Source unknown

A recent survey by America’s most popular teen magazine revealed that only 4.1% of the teenage girls in America feel they could to go their father to talk about a serious problem. Even more recently, USA Today published the eye-opening results of a study of teens under stress. When asked where they turn to for help in a crisis, the most popular choice was music, the second choice was peers, and the third was TV. Amazing as it may sound, moms were down the list at number thirty-one, and dads were forty-eighth.

Joe White in Homemade, Nov. 1989

In a survey by the American Sociological Review, working women said they talk with their husbands an average of 12 minutes each day.

Focus in the Family, January, 1990, p. 8

Sam Goldwyn, the movie producer, used to mangle the English language so badly that his malaprops and mixed metaphors came to be known as Goldwynisms. Some that have become classics are...

• A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on.
• Every Tom, Dick, and Harry is named William.
• Now, gentlemen, listen slowly.
• For your information, I would like to ask a question.
• Include me out.
• Don’t talk to me while I’m interrupting.
• I may not always be right, but I’m never wrong.

Bits and Pieces, December, 1989, pp. 12-13

Scintillate, scintillate, globule vivific,
Fain would I fathom thy nature specific.
Loftily poised in the ether capacious,
Strongly resembling a gem carbonaceous.

-translated-

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are,
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.

Source unknown

In a Harvard study of several hundred preschoolers, researchers discovered an interesting phenomenon. As they taped the children’s playground conversation, they realized that all the sounds coming from little girls’ mouths were recognizable words. However, only 60 percent of the sounds coming from little boys were recognizable. The other 40 percent were yells and sound effects like “Vrrrooooom!” “Aaaaagh!” “Toot toot!” This difference persists into adulthood. Communication experts say that the average woman speaks over 25,000 words a day while the average man speaks only a little over 10,000. What does this mean in marital terms? . . . On average a wife will say she needs to spend 45 minutes to an hour each day in meaningful conversation with her husband. What does her husband sitting next to her say is enough time for meaningful conversation? Fifteen to twenty minutes—once or twice a week!

Gary Smalley and John Trent, Husbands and Wives.

• Many employees fear that expressing their true feelings about the company to their boss could be dangerous.
• The fairly wide-spread belief that disagreeing with the boss will block promotion still holds.
• There is a wide-spread conviction that management is not interested in employee problems.
• Some have the feeling that employees are not rewarded for good ideas.
• There is a lack of supervisory accessibility and responsiveness.
• The conviction is widespread that higher management doesn’t take prompt action on problems.

Bits and Pieces, May 1990, p. 9

Psychologist Albert Mehrabian said, 77% of the impact of a speaker’s message comes through his words, 38% springs from his name, 55% from facial expressions.

Biblical Preaching, H. Robinson, p. 193, quoting F. Davis, How to read Body Language

“If there is any way it can be misunderstood—by someone, somewhere, sometime—it will be misunderstood.”

Source unknown

Married couples have nothing more to say to each other after 8 years, according to a study. Professor Hans Jurgens asked 5000 German husbands and wives how often they talked to each other. After 2 years of marriage, most of them managed two or three minutes of chat over breakfast, more than 20 minutes over the evening meal and a few more minutes in bed. By the sixth year, that was down to 10 minutes a day. A state of “almost total speechlessness” was reached by the eighth year of marriage.

Daily Mirror (London)

A generation ago the George Arliss film, House of Rothschild, made major use of an incident that occurred at the end of the Napoleonic wars. In the dots and dashed of powerful light beams, a message flashed across the English Channel brought the dire news, “Wellington defeated.”

Among other consequences, a disastrous financial panic swept the British Board of Trade. No error or duplicity had been involved in the sending of the news. As actually transmitted it said, “Wellington defeated Napoleon at Waterloo.” A proper communication had been sent, but fog sweeping in had obliterated all but the first two words, leaving a tragic hiatus.

Communication in the Pulpit and Parish, M. Abbey

Married couples spend an average of 27.5 minutes per week talking to each other, according to Ray Bridwhistell, speech communication expert. TV viewing (46 hours per week), children, household chores, social obligations, and working wives are the reasons for this lack of communication between spouses.

Impact, Butterick Pub. Co., quoted in Family Life Today, June, 1989

“My wife isn’t talking to me.” “Maybe she’s trying to tell you something.”

Source unknown

In the house
Of Mr. & Mrs. Spouse
He and she
Would watch TV,

And never a word
Between them was spoken
Until the day
The set was broken,

Then, “How do you do?”
Said He to She.
I don’t believe we’ve met.
Spouse is my name.

What’s yours?” he asked.
“Why, mine’s the same!”
Said She to He.
“Do you suppose we could be...?”

But the set came suddenly right about
And they never did find out.

From a letter to Ann Landers

After cleaning out his office files one Monday afternoon, a federal employee was faced with mountains of old documents and reports. He stacked them on top of his wastebasket with a sign reading: “Rubbish.” The next day, the papers were still there, so he added the words: “Please remove.” On Wednesday, nothing had changed, and therefore a more explicit notice was used. “This is rubbish,” it said. “I do not want it. Please remove.” Thursday revealed the need for still stronger words: “This is RUBBISH, REFUSE, GARBAGE. Get it out of here!” This sign had been heatedly scrawled with a red felt-tipped marker. On Friday, the papers were still not removed. However, a small note in pencil had been written beneath Thursday’s sign.

It read: “Cannot remove unless marked ‘Trash.’“

Feb, 1989, Reader’s Digest

Challenge the kids at dinner tonight to list twenty things that were not yet invented when you were their age (computers, waterbeds, trash compactors, polyester, space shuttles). Ask which ones are the most helpful, and if we would be better off without some of them. To cap the conversation: Thank God together in prayer for all the good things you enjoy as a family in today’s world.

Dads Only, in Homemade, April, 1985

Congress is so strange. A man gets up to speak and says nothing. Nobody listens, and then everybody disagrees...They’ve already started arguing over who will be the speaker at next year’s conventions. What they better worry about is who is going to listen.

Will Rogers, Best of Will Rogers, B. Sterling, 1979

A man returned to his home and played back his telephone-answering machine to discover that his message to callers had not registered beyond his initial “Hello.” Transcribed, the tape of the exchange between machine and one caller ran as follows:

“Hello.” “Hello. Hello. . . hello!” (click.)

“Hello.” “Hello, hello. . . hello, hello!” (click.)

“Hello.” “Hello, hello. . . You see, operator, he says ‘Hello,’ but he won’t say anything else.”

“I’m sorry, sir. We can only connect you with your party. We cannot make him talk to you.”

Donny Silverman, quoted by S. McFarland in N.Y. Sunday News Magazine