Lawyers
Dying Man
Typing Error
Too Many Lawyers
Nobody Thinks
Between Two Truths
Topic : Lawyer
Marriage in Heaven
A young couple was called to heaven before they could be married. The disappointed groom took St. Peter aside and asked him if it was still possible for them to be married.
“I’m afraid you’ll have to wait,” St. Peter replied. “Check back after five years, and if you still want to be married we will talk about it.” Five years passed and the couple came back, repeating their request.
“Sorry, you must wait another five years,” St. Peter told them. Fortunately after the wait St. Peter said they could be married. The wedding was beautiful and at first the couple was happy, but then they realized they had made a mistake. They went to see St. Peter, this time to ask for a divorce.
“What?” St. Peter asked. “It took us ten years to find a minister in heaven, and now you want a lawyer?”
Lawyers
Lloyd Lewis, a biographer of Gen. Ulysses S. Grant, weaves a tale of a chill, wintry evening when the general came quietly into a tavern in Galena, Ill. A group of lawyers was sitting in a tight circle around the stove, discussing an important case. One of them noticed Grant and commented, “Why, here’s a stranger, gentlemen, and it looks as though he’s traveled through hell itself.”
“I have, “ Grant agreed. The lawyer chuckled and asked, “How did you find things down there?”
“Much the same as here” admitted Grant. “Lawyers all nearest the fire.”
Dying Man
An old miser called his doctor, lawyer and minister to his deathbed. “They say you can’t take it with you,” the dying man said. “But I’m going to try. I’ve got three envelopes with $30,000 cash in each one. I want each of you to take an envelope, and just when they lower my casket, you throw in the envelopes.”
At the funeral each man tossed in his envelope. On the way home, the minister confessed, “I needed the money for the church, so I took out $10,000 and threw only $20,000 into the grave.”
The doctor said, “I, too, must confess. I’m building a clinic. I took $20,000 and threw in only $10,000.”
The lawyer said, “Gentlemen, I’m ashamed of you. I threw in a check for the full amount.”
Typing Error
From the Tulsa, Okla., Gusher: “There was a typo in lawyer Ed Morrison’s ad. His logo is: ‘Your case is no stronger than your attorney,’ not ‘stranger.’”
Too Many Lawyers
A Russian, a Cuban, an American businessman and an American lawyer were on a train traveling across Europe. The Russian took out a large bottle of vodka, poured each of his companions a drink and then hurled the semi-full bottle out the window. “Why did you do that?” asked the American businessman. “Vodka is plentiful in my country,” said the Russian. “In fact, we have more than we will ever use.”
A little later, the Cuban passed around fine Havana cigars. He took a couple of puffs of his and then tossed it out the window. “I thought the Cuban economy was suffering,” the businessman said. “Yet you threw that perfectly good cigar away.” “Cigars,” the Cuban replied, “are a dime a dozen in Cuba. We have more of them than we know what to do with.”
The American businessman sat in silence for a moment. Then he got up, grabbed the lawyer and threw him out the window.
Nobody Thinks
A man and his lawyer squared off in court against his opponent and two lawyers. “I want you to hire another attorney to help with my case,” he told his sole counselor. “The other fellow has two.”
“That’s not necessary,” replied his attorney. “I can defend you by myself.”
“I still want a second person,” the defendant insisted. “When one of the plaintiff’s lawyers is talking, the other one is thinking. When you talk, nobody’s thinking.”
Between Two Truths
One of the most famous trials in history was that of Benjamin Francois Courvoisier in London in 1840, who is now immortalized in Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum. Courvoisier was a Swiss valet accused of slicing the throat of his elderly employer, Lord William Russell.
What made this trial notorious was the argument for the defense. The police had bungled the investigation. The evidence against Courvoisier was entirely circumstantial or had been planted. One of the officers had perjured himself, and the maid's testimony brought suspicion on herself. The defense attorney, Charles Phillips, was convinced of the innocence of Courvoisier and cross-examined witnesses aggressively.
At the beginning of the second day of the trial, however, Courvoisier confessed privately to his lawyer that he had committed the murder. When asked if he were going to plead guilty, he replied to Charles Phillips, "No, sir, I expect you to defend me to the utmost.'
Phillips was faced with a dilemma. Should he declare to the court that the man was guilty, or should he defend Courvoisier as best he could? Should he break the confidentiality of the client-lawyer relationship, or should he help a guilty man to possibly go free? Which is more important'truth or professional duty'
Phillips decided to defend the guilty man. But despite Phillips's efforts, Courvoisier was convicted. When the dilemma was later made public, Phillips's decision to defend a murderer horrified British society and brought him a great deal of criticism.
