Timber

Quality

• Presidential Timber - Leaps tall buildings with a single bound.
• Vice-President Timber - Must take running start to leap over tall buildings.
• Timber - Can leap only over short buildings or medium buildings with no spires.
• Deadwood - Crashes into building when attempting to jump over them.
• Toothpick - Cannot recognize buildings at all, much less jump.

Initiative:

• Presidential Timber - Is stronger than a locomotive.
• Vice-President Timber - Is stronger than a bull elephant.
• Timber - Is stronger than a bull.
• Deadwood - Shoots the bull.
• Toothpick - Smells like a bull.

Use of Time:

• Presidential Timber - Is faster than a speeding bullet.
• Vice-President Timber - Is as fast as a speeding bullet.
• Timber - Not quite so fast as a speeding bullet.
• Deadwood - Would you believe a slow bullet.
• Toothpick - Wounds self with bullets attempting to shoot gun.

Communication:

• Presidential Timber - Talks with God.
• Vice-President Timber - Talks with angels.
• Timber - Talks to himself.
• Deadwood - Argues with himself.
• Toothpick - Loses those arguments.

Source unknown